Gabrielle Jordan Williams

I can't seem to stop thinking about you.
Your tiny hands and your big brown eyes.
Your every breath brings relief
But the fear of losing you brings me to tears
God whispers words of strength and courage
You are in His hands.

You came down to teach us that
life is not guaranteed
Every moment comes with joy and pain.
You taught me never to doubt God's grace
To praise Him for my blessings

Gabrielle God is your strength

I Have Decided I Have Resolved To Wait Upon You Lord.

"Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves that Jesus Christ is in you? Unless indeed you fail to meet the test! For we cannot do anything against the truth but only for the truth" 2 Corinthians 13:5-8

I am annoyed. I am annoyed because for some reason it is so easy to settle into the mediocrity of comfortable Christianity. I am loved by God but this world offers so many sparkling distractions. So in one hand I hold God and in the other I hold "innocent" treasures. What if I can have only one? What if I had to choose?

"No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other." Luke 16:13

I will not settle for mediocrity. I refuse.

Not yet as afraid as I ought to be.

Proverbs 31:30
"Charm is deceitful, beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

As I am approaching the end of my time as a youthful naive 18 year-old, I've realized the fears I have buried in my heart about the future. I have ignored my fears in the past because I have been to prideful to admit that I don't trust God completely. Or rather I don't trust that God can change me, because currently I don't feel like I am ready to grow up. I am terrified of losing the people I love due to old age, or the commonality of cancer, or growing apart with the passing of time. In my mind my apprehension to allow anyone to stay in my life will only set me up for disappointment. If I had the choice, I would live in the mountains where my only company would be penguins and my Bible. I have always had walls around me and God has torn them down, but I've rebuilt them with more pride and more self-protection. I know I am standing in the way of God's grace. He is the protector, He is the Savior, and He is the comforter. And I am doing a terrible job, I have had more anxiety these days then I can remember and I feel a weight on my chest that won't seem to go away.

"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come." Satan dangles in front of her the specter of tomorrow's troubles, but she glances up at the almighty God at her right hand and laughs at Satan's folly" (John Piper)

How I need to strength to just laugh at the feeble tactics Satan has of weighing me down. But truthfully they are working. If God was at my right hand the only fear I would have would be the reverence I have for the Almighty God. I just want to laugh.

"The fear of the Lord is fear of fleeing out of his fellowship into the way of sin. Therefore the fear of the Lord is full of peace and security and hope. It keeps us near to the merciful heart of God, our fortress, our refuge, our sanctuary, our shield, our sun."

"She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy." Proverbs 31:20

God teach me how to transform my sinful fear to a righteous fear for Christ. May the anxiety fade and be replaced by a desire to laugh and love unconditionally.

<3

A woman who fears the Lord will not run away from God to satisfy her longings and relieve her anxieties. She will wait for the Lord. She will hope in God. She will stay close to the heart of God and trust in his promises. The prospect of departing into the way of sin will be too fearful to pursue; and the benefits of abiding in the shadow of the Almighty too glorious to forsake.

- John Piper

All is fading

August always brings the season of change, and after being in college for a year I thought the transition would be a little smoother. This summer has been an amazing time but I know that new experiences are awaiting. I realize how much I resemble my gold fish that I won at the fair, every time I change environments, my initial reaction is to freak out with anxiety. All that I have become accustomed to and all that I am comfortable with are blessings but my nature is to hold these treasures as if they last forever. Suitcases and boxes only represent the changes that are going to affect the relationships I have with my family and my best friends. The people I love the most are no longer within proximity and the stability I seek in these people only reflects my wandering heart.

My heart has made a home here. And as sweet as it feels to have comfort, I realize in these times how deceiving it truly is. Life is passing by like cars on a highway and soon enough my life will come to an end. As scary as that sounds I need to ask myself, "am I satisfied with how I have lived my life?" and more importantly "is God satisfied with me?"

I need not make my home on sinking sand but on a rock that lasts forever. I am so entirely grateful to the blessings that have been poured out. But I need to remember that they are only gifts from the One who blesses.

How Marvelous How Wonderful

Luke 7:36-50 (New International Version)

Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman

³⁶Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. ³⁷When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, ³⁸and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

³⁹When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner."

⁴⁰Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to tell you."
"Tell me, teacher," he said.

⁴¹"Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. ⁴²Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?"

⁴³Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled."
"You have judged correctly," Jesus said.

⁴⁴Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. ⁴⁵You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. ⁴⁶You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. ⁴⁷Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."

⁴⁸Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."

⁴⁹The other guests began to say among themselves, "Who is this who even forgives sins?"

⁵⁰Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

This is the dark before the dawn
The storm before the peace
Don't be afraid 'cause seasons change and
God is watching over you
He hears you

People that bug me and love me

Late Night Tunes: "Waste Another Day" Brooke Fraser


This post is dedicated to good friends that bug me. I've realized that good friends aren't the ones that always agree with you or always take your side but are the ones that challenge you. I have always been one to be honest with my friends but often I can't take my own treatment. Friends that aren't afraid to tell you that you am wrong or that you are actually not as happy as you pretend are the ones that really care about you.

I am blessed to know I have so many of these friends that will punch me in the face if I need it.

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17

And then there are those days where you can be goofy with the people that you love and they completely understand you because they are even goofier than you.


It is a blessing to be in good company :)

Dinner with a Stranger.

I had dinner with a stranger last night.

I met him on the outside of a parking lot. From far away I noticed his Bible so while he was praying I worked up the courage to interrupt him and offer him a few dollars. He started talking about God and how He was encouraged by the younger generations and children. They have energy and fearlessness that tends to fade through the ages. I asked him if he had eaten that day and he hadn't so we walked into a restaurant. We chatted about God and family. I shared with Him my ambitions and my fears that these dreams are selfish. He encouraged me like how a father would speak to his daughter. And then I understood what it meant when Jesus said...

'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:40

God spoke to me through a stranger, and a person who is living without a home on earth. But he asks for nothing because he knows his home is in Jesus.

Sports, The Gospel, and Prostitutes

I have an essay due in 2 and half hours. But the ironic thing is that by learning the history of sports, prevents me from devoting time to playing outside (which is a major problem). That is the thing about school. You have to learn about something you potentially love, but the effort to learn about it takes away from the energy you have to actually do it.

Anyway this past weekend was an amazing time of figuring out where God is taking me. If I could paint a picture of where I am in life, the sun is hiding behind the horizon but the lightest shades of color are peeking through the clouds. I wish I could paint. All I need is to be patient because I know that God is revealing His plan through the way He has crafted my heart. And even though its hard to admit, the closer I am to Him to more I realize my imperfections. These imperfections are just reminders that I am not yet ready to know everything, because I need God to mold me in order to be entirely obedient and entirely faithful.

But the main discussion at NYSC, and generally everywhere else in the Christian community, is the Gospel. Here is what I think about the Gospel. Before I became a Christian I though the word Gospel just referred to a genre of music that I honestly did not really like (it's starting to grow on me). But when I started getting familiar with Jesus Christ, I learned that the Gospels referred to the four books in the New Testament that is a biography of Jesus. Where he went, what he did, the genius things he said, and ultimately how He died. Ironically for the first four years of being Christian I never even read the Gospels because I thought Jesus was was too tricky with all His clever stories. Even though I will use analogies to describe anything, His parables were beyond me. Until I took the time and effort to learn about this Jesus that I claimed to love, and I realized that this guy is incredible. He loved people in ways that were completely illogical. He extended grace to prostitutes...I mean who does that? Let me answer that. Not me.

"The beginning of the gospel about Jesus Christ, the Son of God." Mark 1:1

So whats all this controversy and argument over what the Gospel is?? Its annoying. The Gospel is the life of Jesus Christ. And I say life because He is still living. He is the only one I know who died and is still living. How phenomenal! This should be in the Guinness Book of World Records or Ripley's Believe it or Not. I mean really, believe it or not Jesus Christ died for our messed up souls. But not only that He came back to life in order for the rest of the world to know and also because He has the power to raise the dead so He raised Himself. Wow.

"Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel" Philippians 1:27

So what does it mean to live a life in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ? Hm. Copy Christ. Literally be the best Copy Cat you can be. In your heart make a commitment to copy Him, follow Him, love Him, Love those He Loves. That means go love prostitutes. And NO I do not mean go sleep with a prostitute. What I mean is let them know they don't need to sell their bodies because they are beautiful. Let them know that their is still hope for their lives. The prostitutes that choose to prostitutes and those prostitutes that are forced into prostitution. Those girls who are sold and forced into sexual slavery or those girls who are selling their bodies to pay for their rent. We are all victims to sin.

God is moving. So follow Him. If you believe it don't wait till Heaven to figure out that we are to build His Kingdom. If you don't believe than consider it. Because this Jesus guy is worth believing in.

Organized Chaos!

Blogging I've realized have become a convenient alternative to writing in the multiple journals I have. Not only so, but with typing you can delete what sounds dumb. But usually I am to lazy to spell check anyway so nevermind. But the action of typing is so much easier than physically writing, that I just tend to ramble. Like right now.

I love summer so much. The option of having time to do nothing or absolutely everything is just wonderful. For example, I spent a good two weeks cleaning my room for the first time in 10 months. It was quite a task, but I feel so entirely relieved.

Anyway so I had plans today. Plans to go to the beach. That was my plan. I had my bathing suit on. God flipped my plans upside down. A friend called and asked me if I could help out with feeding the homeless at Union Station. It was a blessing step out of my plans and realize that God is the ultimate planner.

Then I watched Transformers 2. I couldn't help realizing that everything was just so big. The robots are gigantic and the evil robots are even more enormous. And then I thought, if humans with their creative minds were able to create something so humongous, imagine how big God is. Its unfathomable.



And at the end of the day, my summer is comfortable and I am enjoying the blessings of quiet days. However, I won't stay and dwell in this comfort. Not for long at least. Challenges are around the corner.

Ramblings. None of this makes sense. But God is so good. He makes me so happy. Yes. So very happy.

Too Many Passions for One Lifetime

I've started to realize that people don't just say life is too short because it's a cliche, but because life is actually too short. There is so much I want to accomplish, so many ways I want to make an impact but I think I am overly ambitious in many ways. I'm not sure if its possible to have too many passions but recently I've noticed that what I want to accomplish in life is not exactly on the academic path I am currently on. Which is completely fine. I accept that I do not know what I want. All I know is what I care about.

This past week I attended a conference dedicated to educating youth about the conflict in Northern Uganda and the logistics of ending the war. These past few days have really encouraged my curiosity for conflict management. I met many leaders in the United Nations and heard their opinions on the war in Northern Uganda.

We lobbied our congressmen and representatives to sign the "LRA disarmament and Northern Uganda Recovery Act." Representative Chris Van Hollen's Foreign Affairs Aide slapped us with a reality check along with some ignorance. Even before she gave our bill a chance, she gave us an tutorial of all other conflicts in Africa, and how there is no clean ending. Lives will always be lost. She tries to knock the passion off our faces by revealing our naivety. What can the youth of America really amount to when it comes to international affairs? Truth is, I hate politics. But its impossible to avoid the government when you are trying to end a war. And ironically the ignorance of the U.S. government only adds to the frustration.

I hate the concept of human trafficking. I hate the that little boys are being forced to kill and little girls are sex-slaves to LRA commanders. I hate that this evil exists, and yet despite how much I hate it, it still continues. I hate how humans have the capability to ignore atrocities by looking the other way. And it is easy when the suffering of a nation is on the other side of the world.

At the end of the day, you can't save the world. You can try but you can't do it alone. This superman mentality needs to be flushed down the toilet. I can only do what is within my human
capabilities, and the rest is up to God.

We'll Never Stop This Train

"For who knows what is good for a man in life, during the few and meaningless days he passes through like a shadow? Who can tell him what will happen under the sun after he is gone?" Ecclesiastes 6:12

I received some sad news today. My mom called and informed me that my grandma passed away yesterday. I was at Starbuck's standing in line for the bathroom. It seems like the most frightening reality checks come at the most ordinary times.

A few weeks ago my mom and I were watching T.V. and she started complaining about her knees aching. She was having difficulty walking up the stairs. I almost burst into to tears. With every year that passes by, it seems that time is fading even faster. Part of me wants to grow up and see what life will be like in 10 years but sometimes I forget as I get older so do the people around me. And so do the people I love. I can't imagine my life without my mom. She makes these amazing chinese pancakes (cong you bing) and I don't know how to make them!! And her life before my existence is still a mystery.

Thinking about change is dangerous when there isn't a solid rock to rely on. But there is. There is something that lasts beyond my life. And that something loves me. I can't forget that.

"Remember your Creator
in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come...
the dust returns to the ground it came from,
and the spirit returns to God who gave it."--King Solomon (God's Word)

Hurricane by Jimmy Needham

I have built a city here
Half with pride and half with fear
Just wanted a safer place to hide
I dont want to be safe tonight

I need You like a hurricane
Thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tear my walls down
Im only Yours now
I need you like a burning flame
A wild fire untamed
To burn these walls down
Im only Yours now
Im only Yours now

I am Yours and You are mine
You know far better than I
And if destructions what I need
Then Ill receive it Lord from Thee
Yes, Ill receive it Lord from Thee

And its Your eye in the storm
Watching over me
And its Your eye in the storm
Wanting only good for me
And if You are the war
Let me be the casualty
Til Im Yours alone
I am only Yours
I am Yours alone, Lord

More than ever I know where my heart lies. I am challenged by the same difficulty and itfinally I have realized that nothing else matter but the fact that He is sovereign and He sits on His throne.

"Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 1:21

Bittersweet Goodbye

My soul is restless from the uncertainty
But my heart rests in His sanctuary
A revelation awaits for those who wait patiently
No longer grasping onto what is not mine

I will sit by your feet
While your remind me
Of the everlasting security
You have bought for me
And through the fire
I will be transformed

Dreams fade and plans collide
The consequences of a bittersweet reality
But I will still love for you first loved me
As I hold onto You
You are forever mine

I've realized that for the past few years, I have found hope and security in something that is not guaranteed. Like the victims of Hurricane Katrina, the national government and life insurance companies turned their backs in their time of need. In the end, there is nothing else left but God.
I am investing my heart, my time, my mind, and my actions in something that won't fade. Which means I am letting go of something that was never really promised in the first place. And if it comes back to me praise God. If not than praise God.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33

P.S. I need a new Bible. I didn't lost it this time. Actually I gave it away to this nice lady named Caroline who had a beautiful baby boy named Isaac. I met her on the plane on the way back home. She told me that soon after she found out she was pregnant, the father was arrested for dealing drugs. This beautiful baby boy has not even met his father yet. I turned to her and I told her that her baby needs to grow up in an environment where people can show him true love. I encouraged her to find a good church where people won't judge her and will embrace her and her baby.
I realized that this missions trip to New Orleans wasn't really anything different that what I am called to do in my everyday life. Charles, the pastor who started the Carpenter's House, always told us that God is giving us opportunities to love while standing in grocery store lines. Even after we had left New Orleans God was using our team to reach out to those in the airports and on the planes.
So all in all, I hope to go back soon. But for now I will continue to pray and support those who are doing God's work. And I pray that the community will be healed from the past and find hope in the Lord.

One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision: "Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city." (Acts 18:9-11)

Good Shoes Guide You to Great Places

These are my new shoes. Aren't they fantastic? Not because they are designer and not because they are gorgeous but these shoes were an unexpected gift. If found them at the Carpenter's House ministry, who serves the New Orleans community through providing free clothes, food, and showers. I couldn't help browsing through the clothing center (of course). Among the many pairs of old and dusty shoes I stumbled across a pair of BCBG heals that happened to be my size!! so I tried them on, walked around, and gently put them back on the shelf. I kept going back to see if anyone had taken the shoes and day after day they were still there. Eventually Louis, the person who keeps the Carpenter's House running, told me that I should take the shoes because they were for me. I told him that I had tons of shoes and somebody else needs them more than I do. He told me that he does not have a lot of money but with the few coins he has he will ship them to me if I did not take them. "Consider it New Orlean's gift to you" were his exact words and I couldn't turn him down. On the last night we were in New Orleans I wore these shoes all over the city and although I refused to admit it, these shoes were PAINFUL but I didn't want to take them off because they were my shoes.
I would have never expected to find something so valuable in a pile of used, old, and dusty clothing but honestly, New Orleans is the same way. A cloud of depression and sorrow overlooks the city, which is obvious by the hundreds of wrecked homes without families. If you look hard enough, beyond the detestation Katrina left, there is still a something so beautiful about the city itself. All it takes is to sit along the Mississippi river or a bike ride through the neighborhood.
I didn't want to take the shoes because I felt like I didn't need them, since I have so many pairs at home. But because someone who has nothing is still able to give away everything, it was a blessing that allowed hope to bloom. New Orleans is a city that seems to have nothing left, and yet there is still hope in Christ because His servant's have been faithful.

Hard Pressed on Every Side

From the few days our team has been here, It seems like we've been thrown into a whirlwind and somehow we have to find a foundation and build on it. The damages of Katrina haunt the streets of New Orleans and in some areas there are blocks of empty homes with broken windows.The emotional and spiritual scars are obvious in the people who lived through the hurricane. Most have lost their homes, their jobs, and even their loved ones. It seems as if the flood divided New Orleans history, there was the life before and now there is the aftermath.

And amidst the brokenness there is glimpses of hope and grace portrayed in the lives of Charles and Louis, the people who run the Carpenter's House. Their commitment to developing the community for God's kingdom truly reflect Christ's unconditional love.

God is teaching me to find encouragement in the power of the Cross. He is pushing my comfort level in all directions. From bug attacks to showing patience and love for one another, I hope we are willing to be "extremely extremely extremely flexible."

Honesty is the Best Policy

I have forgotten how great it is to have the company of a genuine friend. God really uses the words of other people to humble us but often just the presence of someone who is willing to listen allows us to open our hearts to be honest with ourselves. Thanks Lenny *hug

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

I love my mom so much but I'm not very good at showing it. It's so easy to be selfish around her because she doesn't like to vocalize her pain. But after 18 year of being her daughter I should know how much I hurt her by my ignorant actions. Simple things like not calling and not eating dinner at home, I think she's gotten the idea that I don't need her anymore. Which I want to believe is farthest from the truth but in reality...I'm growing up. I have a desire to be independent. I don't need her as much as I did when I was younger but that does not change the truth that I still love her so much. Her heart is like a rock after the pain shes seen in this past decade but I believe that God can change that.

"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from you flesh and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekial 36:26

Just by acknowledging this fear thats been lingering, I have so much more clarity about going to New Orleans, and about what this summer should look like. I need to love God. And I need God to love through me. God has such perfect timing.

Foggy Forecast

The future seems unclear. Well it always has been but sometimes my mind convinces itself that life can be defined by my expectations.

Like this semester. I was so sure that If I put in all of my effort I would deserve the grades. But I was humbled. Im frustrated but more importantly I am humbled. Because as long as I give my everything, my rewards is not an earthly gain.

This next week. A missions trip to New Orleans. I am leaving tomorrow. I feel unprepared for some reason and I have no idea what to expect.

This next forever. There are so many ambitions and dreams that I hope for but I'm not sure whether they are the best. Dance, psychology...possibly International Development and Conflict Management? Studying abroad in Australia would be fantastic. I think.

And for some reason I feel the need to stay close to home. I feel so tied down. Theres safety and comfort but also theres so much to be done so many people to impact. I feel kind of torn apart.

I overanalyze but I wouldn't be me if I didn't

this blog is lethal. word vomit.

"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:6

Anticipation and Revelations

I want to be excited but I am more nervous than anything else. This is what I've always dreamed of doing but now that it is actually happening, it feels selfish. I'm almost ashamed of facing God because my ambitions are for my own gain.

I am a mess. I laugh it off but my life is a mess. Part of that statement has to do with the fact that I am oversensitive and incredibly dramatic but the other part is that I don't have the capability to love people when I have to. My ignorance and disregard for the person who loves me the most is only hardening her heart. I am too hard on myself but I think it is necessary. Although, sometimes I don't leave room for grace.

I really don't like writing blogs because I start editing. I edit so I don't have to be honest. But I started a blog so that I would be honest. So here I am.

I am walking farther away from the love that is all I need. I have to be willing to change. I have to be willing to learn.

G