I want to be excited but I am more nervous than anything else. This is what I've always dreamed of doing but now that it is actually happening, it feels selfish. I'm almost ashamed of facing God because my ambitions are for my own gain.
I am a mess. I laugh it off but my life is a mess. Part of that statement has to do with the fact that I am oversensitive and incredibly dramatic but the other part is that I don't have the capability to love people when I have to. My ignorance and disregard for the person who loves me the most is only hardening her heart. I am too hard on myself but I think it is necessary. Although, sometimes I don't leave room for grace.
I really don't like writing blogs because I start editing. I edit so I don't have to be honest. But I started a blog so that I would be honest. So here I am.
I am walking farther away from the love that is all I need. I have to be willing to change. I have to be willing to learn.
G
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